


I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

by millygal



Series: SpankedBySpike's BingoCard [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Crack, Drunk Dean, Drunkenness, Multi, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11043591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: Some Hunters never learn.





	I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpankedbySpike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpankedbySpike/gifts).



> Silliness&Crack. spankedbyspike put up a huge list of prompts she'd worked out for herself, and then told us we could play with them if we liked. I picked, "The fool didn’t know it was impossible, so he did it" Thanks to jj1564 for the fab and fast beta and comments <3

Dean refuses point blank to give in, he will not be bested by a dude who wouldn't know a decent Scotch if it jumped up and bit him in the persqueeter.

Sam sits and watches Dean slide further and further beneath the table as Castiel knocks back yet another triple shot of single malt Scotch, and wonders at what point he’ll end up having to scrape his brother off the floor. “Dean, man, I wouldn’t - Remember, Ellen ended up in some serious pain when she tried to outdrink Cas!”

“Ellen was a woman. Okay, she had bigger testicles than any of us, but she was _still_ a woman, it’s no wonder she couldn’t outdrink the bird brain.”

“You know I can hear you, do you not?”

Sam hisses at Dean and tutts.

“What?”

“If Ellen were here she’d kick your skinny ass.”

The smile on Dean’s face says there are a few things about that night at Bobby’s he’s not telling, and Sam grimaces before screwing his eyes shut and making gagging noises. “Seriously?! Dean, you’re just wrong. You tried tapping her daughter.”

“WHAT?! The term MILF was invented for a reason, and I’m admitting NOTHING. Anyway, she’s not here and this fool seems to think he can outdrink a seasoned bar fly. I don’t buy it.”

Castiel turns to Sam and shakes his head, pointedly ignoring Dean’s drunken grunts as he tries to climb back into his seat properly. “I keep trying to inform him that I just do not get drunk, but he is adamant I am lying.”

Sam leans his elbows on the table between Castiel and Dean and tilts his head at the Angel. “Then you know what? Ruin him. If he’s not gonna listen maybe the thumping headache and hours of vomiting will finally convince him that angels don’t suffer intoxication.”

The smirk curving Castiel lips skyward is a shock to both Sam and Dean. “I have your permission to break him?”

“Damn straight.”

“Okay then. As you would say _it is on_.”

***************

As a general rule Sam doesn’t condone greasy food first thing in the morning and only ever provides his brother artery clogging dishes when he’s trying to soften him up or apologise for something, but this morning the sound of Dean’s pained groans is well worth the scent of fried food wafting around the Bunker. “Dean, breakfast.”

“I fuckin’ hate you.”

“What was it you said to me? Oh yes - A greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray. I couldn’t find an ashtray but the pork sandwich - “

Sam wiggles a styrofoam carton under Dean’s nose and thoroughly enjoys the agonised moans emanating from his brother’s mouth. “I got extra grease, too.”

Dean rushes passed Sam and slams the bathroom door just as Castiel walks into the room. “Is he _still_ throwing up?”

“With the amount you two drank last night, I’m thinking he’s going to be throwing up for the next week. You reckon he believes you now?”

A muffled thud accompanies a string of slurred swear words before Dean’s shaky voice comes floating under the closed bathroom door. “I believe, I believe.”

“Hallelujah”

Turns out Castiel understands sarcasm way better than either brother knew.

 

Fin.


End file.
